Every time we go downtown I ask myself why we live in Des Moines
I gave him a blowie and after he said he wanted to send a giftbasket to the girl we met through.
You said you didn't deserve to walk so you started crawling down to your room
that girl is introducing herself into your group of friends one dick at a time.
I learned the names of so many hookups when they read them at graduation
Do you want the something i can tell my mom in ten year version or the you're gonna call me a whore but be proud version?
It Amazes me that I was able to drunk update my status in Spanish last night.
she vomitted in her champagne, said "fuck it, it's new years", and continued drinking.
It wasn't until I took a shit, that I remembered that you assholes started spiking my shots with tobasco when I wasn't looking last night. Dicks.
Yeah bro I don't know how she's gonna explain the black eye, how else do you tell your boss "my knee hit me in the face during sex last night"
The pigeons can smell the fear
Wtf
You're always so generous when it comes to your dick.
there is vomit in the pocket of my dress coat. i remember thinking "this is a weird place to puke" at some point in the evening, but i dont understand how i did this.
It's the best! If I had one wish it would be for life to be one really long gay porno. Thats what I wish for during every 11:11.
"I'm 22, I could die in a piano bar." -a sentence i actually just said to my boss
Randomize
