My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Just saw a policeman use his lights to go through a red light only to turn them off and go to Sonic...
i just made a list of the people i have slept with. is it bad that some of them are just either names of the places i met them or the color of the shirts?
i also rounded the number up for good measure. i am sure there are a few i have forgotten about.
we turned studying into a drinking game, she drinks when she gets it right, i drink when she gets it wrong. so we'll be out soon
Arguably, the best part was cockblocking those squirrels.
My dinner guests were so drunk they never realized that I inadvertantly put Frosted Mini Wheats on the salad instead of crutons.
and then he put stevie wonder on to fuck to...and hummed along as I blew him
Literally I thought my ears were pouring out blood. That high.
I feel my soul being ripped out of my eye sockets
passed out in the hallway last night, now I'm sitting down in the shower, eating lukewarm canned soup out of Tupperware, listening to Carly rae jepsen.. I had a rough night.
So both cops helped talk her into coming back into the bar and doing a shot with me. The main argument being, "a bar is no place to be sober!"
The beer shits the day after completing the World Beer Tour at Epcot are just as epic as the tour itself.
Did we have sex last night?
No. You laid in my bed and I brought you taco bell.
If we were teenagers we would intentionally be trying to burn down this historic landmark
No problem...what are friends for if they can't rub eachothers genitals.
Randomize
