I just ordered a 3 square foot pizza. This is how to beat an eating disorder.
answered a 6 am booty call this morning...you were still in the er so I thought what the hell
I wish I could like. Pull my liver out, and put it in the corner of a boxing ring, put a towel and ice on it, rub it's shoulders, and tell it to "get back in there, you got this!".
Not sure. All I know is that she has a tight dark green skirt and I will not rest until I have used my teeth to rip it off of her
Sitting on the curb by new england comics with a weeping drunk girl who's eating french fries saying she'll never be as successful as her sister the hand model. She's scaring the nerds.
I just accidentally hit share on pornhub... Probably the scariest moment of my life
I can't believe you're asking me to think of a sincere, creative way to apologize to your penis at 2 am.
Yep. I'm going to buy a sex toy and a LARP prop on the same trip. Welcome to my life.
I woke up with my name tag for work still on my shirt. It was a rough night.
I JUST LIKE FLANNEL, NOT VAGINAS! OK?
You were drunk at 5 You went to the dining hall and cried because your brain and fingers weren't working. Your RA came up to you and suddenly you became sober. I was very proud of you.
Who's the captain of your team? Captain Morgan as usual?
And me
Still can’t get over the fact that we ate beef jerky off a strip club floor
I don’t mind that he’s uncircumcised. It’s the fact that he talks about the Bible immediately after we have sex .
You took your pants and underwear off as soon as we got to Melissa's and just walked around the entire time like it was completely normal. We even ate pizza together with your vagina exposed. You're my hero.
Randomize
