I got three cases. When they asked for id I said it was suspended for drunk driving.
then i got kicked out of the bar for trying to pay my $30 bar tab in sacajawea dollar coins
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
but seriously ill do anyone in one of those hats with the earflaps.
nothing like walking down the street with a garbage bag of puke trying to find a dumpster
My glasses are somewhere in your living room. Also, my underwear might be in your bathroom or on or around your porch. Sorry.
he walkred up to the manager at dennys and said 'look, my friends passed out in your bathroom, can i go get her?'
I should have questioned it early on when they said bring beer and chocolate syrup
I don't have patience to seek someone out and try to decipher whether or not I think I'd want to actually have their dick in my face.
Always wear a seatbelt when giving road head. I think I'm just going to tell people I don't remember how I got the fat lip.
I'm to sober to make life ruining decisions and alcohol is to expensive at this bar for me to fear that level of drunk happening
He's like a hurricane
a drunk, sexist, hurricane
I'm potentially being cockblocked by Old Man Winter. What the fuck did I do to piss off an entire season?
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
Is there any chance of you maybe wanting a bouncy house at your wedding. Like maybe a .0001 chance. If so I would totally chip in for that.
Randomize
