he literally had a slideshow of all the girls hes had sex with pictures set to american woman
I would get the one fuckin stripper that's a lesbian. THE ONLY ONE
The last memory I have is vomiting into a box and her rubbing my back saying "you are such a trooper..."
Drinking wine out of an empty soup can and watching spongebob squarepants.. I eveb hate myself
Just heard Miley Cyrus' version of "Every Rose Has Its Thorn". Fuck everything. If you don't have an std you have no right to remake this song
The guys had to come into the bar bathroom and pep talk us all off the floor
i really regret not blowing your cousin before he went to jail
There was a pumpkin carving contest and we carved a very realistic dick about to penetrate a vagina. Our Christian Youth hosts were not happy.
First time since we broke up that I'm not drunk before noon...win for broken hearts everywhere
We started off talking about nice cuddling and you turned it into fucking with a Santa hat on...
In the morning he said my plan to make 2 casseroles today was, "hot in a grandma sort of way," & I didn't think it was weird. THAT'S how hot he was.
I just want a boyfriend who will have sex to Disney Pandora.
I think his dick was bigger than his dog
Apparently I was walking around with a slice of bread and wine saying, "Jesus would have wanted this." 🙄 🍞🍷
I gotta do like a month's worth of catch-up personal hygiene today in prep for Christmas so extended family doesn't ask if I'm depressed.
Randomize
