Our teacher totally just got outed in class by a speaker from some lesbian cooperative house
he just tried to lick my eyebrow. thats the deal breaker.
True life I used my fake as a photo id for my final. My professor told me good luck and laughed. Hope the bouncers are in the St. Patrick's day spirit.
24 hours later and my vagina is still tingling. That good.
His beard is glorious and he smells like barbecue. Introduce me to him.
No fireworks. Throwing the old microwave off the deck.
Shouldn't have fucked on the top bunk, I bounced so high my hair got caught in the ceiling fan and almost broke my neck.
Really uncomfortable with the level of eskimo brotherhood at this family reunion
the dj asked me quote "are you sure you're sober enough to do this?" And I grabbed the mic from him and said "ill fucking show you sober- HIT IT". I also dropped the mic at the end so he had to come around and pick it up
Shania Twain would have been proud
Hey nothing wrong with those! I can't believe the guys who let me see where they live on first dates. Even more surprising, I don't stalk them after they've done me wrong.
The thought "Ummm which pants am I wearing? ...I *am* wearing pants, right?" just ran through my head. I'm done. So done.
I plan to try out my new vibrator and watch Star Trek: The Next Generation. It's a busy night.
My drug dealer was just on ESPN..
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
If he didn’t pick us up we would have been jerkwards eating sad pancakes at a Denny’s.
Randomize
