you guys were way drunker than both of me
A hard boiled egg and a shot of tequila is not brunch.
mom just called and i was mid bong hit but i answered anyways coughing and sounding rough she the apologized for waking her little angel up. its 2PM
I'm gonna vom. In the dentist chair. Who makes a dentist appt for July fucking 5th.
Um....sorry for hooking up with your brother last night...
Actually i take that back. You dropped the whiskey last night and broke the bottle. Were even
Warning: at some point today you will probably see several pics of me 69-ing a blow up turtle show up on facebook. Just disregard them.
Plus my stomach has been speaking through my ass all day sending notes saying "fuck you" and "this is from your liver" or "i will kill you."
Aqua-barf. When you are about to puke in the toilet but pass out face first instead...and then puke. WITH YOUR FACE IN THE BOWL. There is no escaping the puke ring you have on your face. I know first hand.
I ate her out for so long I might actually shit a vagina
So. How about you can get tequila certified...
Drunk and alone at a magic show is what my life has become without you
Whoops. I'm a horrible gf, I dropped the "I'm looking for jobs in a different city" bomb before I wished him a happy anniversary
Toppless hop-scotch needs to become a competitive sport
He found his first fuckbuddy I'm so proud I feel like making him a card or something
Longest 30 seconds of my life
10/10 so not recommended
Randomize
