How was I supposed to know she would get offended when I asked her how long it took to draw on her eyebrows.
dont like to call her my roomate, too cordial. i refer to her as the whore that was assigned to live with me
he said i took off my shirt and wrote "help HATI" on my tits, and charged people to motorboat me..... i'd like to say i woke up with 267$ in my purse
He said that he didn't know what level the sun was on, and then he puked.
No worries. On my way home to get ski poles and wipe the sick off my face. Then it's time to get drunk in the park
I'll check it out in the morning. Tonight has been reserved for getting baked and covering myself in kittens because THAT IS AN OPTION.
I never notice how majestic and beautiful my cat is unless I'm blazed
I just remembered that we had an in-depth conversation about how it was too stressful to wear pants.
As your friend, who loves and cares for you, I have to be honest. I am judging you so VERY hard right now. Sorry.
ICE CREAM AND CAKE BITCHESSSSSS
I just talked to him. no worries he had the same fears you did this morning and smelled the dryer to make sure. you officially did not pee in there haha
I don't want a big night. But I am okay if we wake up in a penthouse at Crown Casino.
He fucked me harder than I've ever been fucked before and afterwards he started crying and profusely apologizing to god and baby Jesus for his sin.
It’s awful. They need to open the bars. I’m now trolling grocery stores looking for dick
Is it too early to start looking for freshmen penises to corrupt with our liquor and yoga pants?
I was just wondering the same thing! Gotta be any day now
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