At a stoplight watching a woman push groceries in a stroller while dodging oncoming traffic... Reallllly Detroit?
I thought the fact that I took home a 42 year old with 3 kids would excuse my tardiness this morning because my boss is also 42 and has 3 kids. Boy was I wrong.
I'm more concerned as to why he has a playlist entitled Dem Club Beats.
i'm at the point now where i want him to say anything. even an apology for his boomerang-shaped penis would be nicer than no comment.
True friendship; bangin a girl to get ur friends hat back
We're walking, taxis are a waste of money that can be spent on alcohol.
It's blow job season.
our friendships a beautiful delicate flower...that has been crushed by peni
Go tell your boss to go fuck himself because you have beer and doritos and zombies waiting on you
You threw up in a empty pizza box at Pizza Hut and opened the door with your face. So that maybe why it's bruised.
Note to self: don't try to shave your legs when sex-sore. You CANT reach, stop trying.
Can you please help mom and dad? Theyre trying to figure out Skype, and its like 2 cavemen finding fire.
I found a briefcase foll of fireworks in my old bedroom...that's an appropriate thing to bring to a wedding, right?
Look man if you're looking for a voice of reason, you're talking to the wrong woman.
I'm not just straddling the line between love and hate, I'm dry humping the shit out of it
Went to waffle house after dropping my sister off at school and got into a heated argument with a drunk/hungover philosophy professor I will not name. I won the argument.
Randomize
