Yeah true. Damn vaginas. They're ruining the world.
Now that I've come to graduate college. I realized the only discernible skill I learned was how to roll a joint properly. go me.
Well thats $24,000 well spent.
She washed lettuce and peppers in the shower and proceeded to make a salad
Walk-of-shaming home in that dress you got arrested in. Six guys called out your name when I walked past. I've never been more proud of us.
i knew it was time to leave the bar when i caught myself doing karate dance moves with a married man.
But he was wearing a glow-in-the-dark condom. It was like a glowing rod of kryptonite. I can't resist that, kryptonite is my weakness.
He's practically not my boyfriend anymore. So let's go get some glitter, balloons, alcohol and forget this night ever happened.
it was just another one of those moments where you unfriendzone a friend you assumed to be gay
He started saying the pledge of allegiance so his boner would go down. Merica.
my experiences serve only to benefit you young virgin
Oh dear God, they have a song about Mom...
I just chased my birth control with Smirnoff. Shit's about to go down.
You asked me if I ever met a talking rock and when I said no, you looked me dead in the eye and said today was my lucky day then you crawled into a ball and started talking...that high.
I wanted to have a threesome but they’re TOO HETERO
How naked do you want me to be?
Randomize
