Don't worry I'll hold the wheel while you cum
i have a girlfriend
if you're drunk do you have a girlfriend?
no
He promised he'd be the first bidder on my ebay item if i went home with him. Worth it.
I didn't exactley write on my bucket list -- "hook up with a townie at a drivers intervention program"
I spit up blood this morning
That's vegas.
you wore rainboots all night because you said the forecast called for wine spillage
we found you in the closet, clutching coats that werent yours for stability
I poured myself a glass of chocolate chips at some point during the evening.
I think there's a website warning girls about me based on the 4 who approached me separately tonight and called me evil. Fuckyoudave.com?
We fucked to the rythmn of the thunder, it was magical
She just lifted up her dress, screamed "This is gonna be a good one!" And pissed on the pole...
It sounded like he said "don't stop" but all I could hear were his balls.
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
I'm peeing on your house...you up?
Randomize
