I thought he was gonna sex me but then he ran to my bathroom and jerked off
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
They call it the Collection Couch because all 4 room mates have slept with at least 3 different girls on it. He tried to seal the deal with "would you like to be number 14?"
And sadly I did.
I need to shower. I still have paint on me from the homeless guys
I've never seen so many strippers at a funeral...
dude. we need more in our fridge then just beer and applesauce.
last night we were having sex and i didn't care if i got off. i was just holding up my hand behind his head so i could look at my new ring. i think he knew.
Thank you as well. My penis is starting a slow-clap right now.
im drinking tequila tonight so will you babysit my bra?
Bonus points if the penis has a little hat too
If you're in the liquor store 5 minutes before close, and you have to ask the cashier for a coin to flip to make a life decision because "vodka takes you to a bad place," you need to reevaluate your life.
I have no idea. But I feel like I could climb a mountain and then have sex on it.
He looked at me and just said "moist". The entire party shut down from uncomfortableness. He is an anti-party wizard.
Best case scenario: sex with hot bartender \nWorst case scenario: no sex and punched by tattooed guy that may or may not be said bartenders boyfriend.
We literally solved our fight using cat pictures on Instagram. True love.
Randomize
