you kept searching pizza on facebook and becoming a fan of each page dedicated to it
My scrabble letters just formed failure. Thanks God.
Not complaining, but why is there a Russian chick downstairs making latkes?
Hungover like ... in bed with the Brita pitcher and a straw, only opening one eye at a time.
I woke up spooning my guard tube. Tell me I'm not the most dedicated lifeguard ever
he screamed PILLOW FIGHT and hit branden in the head with a pillow that had a fifth of vodka in it. then he asked why he wasnt laughing
Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
You burned the hair off your arms. Again.
It grows back stronger each time.
You woke up, mumbled something about forgetting to lock the truck at work, slapped my ass, then passed out again...
Dude, I can't even reach my asshole to wipe it. I have a lot more to be thankful for this Thanksgiving.
I can't help you there
I found her outside drinking steak sauce out of the bottle.
THIS IS SO HOT. BYE PANTIES.
THERES A FUCKBOY IN MY PERSONAL SPACE
GET IT AWAY FROM ME IM ALLERGIC
You look wasted in ALL of the pictures I just saw you in.
That can't be good for your liver!
Thanks for caring mom.
I love you.
Bad choice
Randomize
