My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
when a girl says 'did you just try to kiss me' you should leave the bar. trust me.
See it, we're so close, i smell your vagisil
He woke me up by trying to shove oreos in my mouth. im ready to go home now
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i loe djcudia fjxos rue.
he asked me for a gerbil feeder full of alcohol
I had to stop mid sex to take my turn on words with friends so he wouldn't get suspicious. Hookup of the night helped me. We won.
I'm a wonderful, drunk angel of hydration and sometimes absinthe.
You know, I think I'm going to rock the shit out of this whole mid-twenties thing. Fuck babies and weddings -- I have vodka and young cock.
My nose was gushing blood and he just kept screaming "she took it like a champ" to everyone there. Plus side though, bartender felt bad for me and gave me a free drink.
His cat watched us the ENTIRE time. Every time I glanced over the poor kitty looked at me as if I were pelvic thrusting her father to death.
I'm hosting my annual valentine's day party tomorrow with every hookup I've ever had. thoughts on how it will turn out ??
As a paramedic, it's completely unacceptable to black out on a monday. I cant handle 3 dollar shot night.
I cannot pick him out of a line up. I remember he is blonde and his half flaccid dick looks like gonzo. So unless he pulls down his pants I don't know who he is
Is it weird that my mother is taking body shots off my gf after meeting once?
Randomize
