Did you pluck my eyebrows one night when I passed out?
i just complicated the hell out of my summer by fucking him this early on
if you just come over, i will entertain you
arguing about the color of your bong does not count as entertainment
I feel like i could break down a fucking wall with this boner
Soooo, coming over soon?
they call him the transporter because he'll be your designated driver in exchange for sufficient weed or sex.\n
what about money
no - he has a code he lives by
It's been two days. I am still burping up jello. Everything tastes like jello. Everything smells like jello. I am DONE with jello shots.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
How many more times can I say I need to get laid before you kill me?
We had sex while watching the republican debate. I'm not sure how he maintained an erection watching Donald Trump speak.
I haven't showered. And am sitting in the office smelling like a beer can someone's been using as an ash tray.
he was almost the father of your baby, you should let him take you to dinner
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
I woke up with a giant paw print on the side of my face, my jaw hurts, and I have no idea how any of this happened.
She said cowgirls can can pee standing up and proceeded to pull up her dress and drop her underwear.
He was eating me out on a picnic table on the frame lake trail and right after I came, a group of hikers walked around the corner. Stood up just in time
And this is one of the many reasons why you need a car.
Randomize
