Dude I just peed on my pants. not in them though. and yes there is a difference
Dude, this chick just tossed my salad hard. All that I could picture was a dog trying to get the last of the peanut butter out of the jar of Jiff and trying not to think of how grotesque my last dump was.
Then she tried to kiss me and I wouldn't and she got pissed off and went to sleep. Then about an hour later, her kid called her. She went home and on the way out I told her to wash her mouth before she kissed her kid good night. Weird night..
Add "its too hot" to reasons why I don't get fucked anymore
I just spilled my beer all over my laptop.. this is what i get for actually trying to do homework
Covered in glitter and dick. 2010 feels a lot like 2009.
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
while we were dancing I voluntarily took my bra off and hung it around his neck as a necklace. 2011 lets go
Omg considering I am covered in cake and probably cocaine that is the greatest news I have ever heard
we didnt even make it to the club...the two of us were sharing a plastc bag in the taxi puking into it.
he is like the poster child for std's. god i hope he meets a girl with teeth in her vag. that would serve him right
First Thanksgiving as a grown up: My step dad had to take my brother (who still smells like booze) and I both to our cars this morning, apparently we were at the same bars (same stamps), & I think I broke my elbow. Im thankful to be alive & not incarcerated.
You kept mumbling that you could become one with the carpet as you proceeded to give yourself the worst carpet burn I have ever seen
Are you considering all the consequences of doing your boss or are you just rationalizing with your vagina?
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
He was like, I wanna take it slow. I took off my bra And I was like, either we have sex now or you get out.
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