my love horoscope just told me to "say it in frosting" should i take this literally?? i think yes.
throwing up turkey will be a nice break from throwing up ramen
I cant do that to my vagina yet. its my prize posession.
Golf group in front of us has 2 hooker caddies. One guy was getting a lap dance as he waited to tee off. Only in vegas.
I love you more with every blowjob.
You should write for Hallmark.
I did sing regulators with a random black dude at The Rail without looking at the screen, hugged him and walked off stage. I pretty much live up to all expectations.
I ate the last cupcake. I'm sorry. It was in the refrigerator mocking me. So I ate it. And it was glorious. But I'm sorry.
I AM CRUING IT IS 93:2 AM AND I AM CYGIN INT BED
It makes no sense at first, you go with it, it's fun and entertaining and then a disaster
He took my virginity but also my remaining pizza. i dont know how to feel right now.
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
Nothing better then waking up to multiple snap stories of people doing body shots of tequlia off of you
well I've taken an Uber to my weed dealers twice in the past 2 weeks so it's going well since I sold my car
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
Well 1) stay calm 2) stay safe 3) drink more
Randomize
