I wanna put my baby in that!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Ew you even made it your fb status
Ppl probably think ur having a kid
I hope
Love having children with random chicks
I know we had a good night last night because his turtle was half asleep chewing on the used condom.
According to google history I spent most of last night trying to buy an elephant.
she told me if people cross their eyes and look at her, they say she looks like megan fox
Woke up the day after the party with a bruise on my stomach. Pretty sure my liver was trying to escape for fear of it's life.
I'm drawing the line at your vagina. I will not accompany you to get that pierced and/or tattooed. There's got to be some mystery to our relationship.
So I just bought e from my sophomore home ec teacher. How's your weekend going?
The teenager outdrank all of us. All. Of. Us. I woke up and she was getting everyone water and fruit snacks. I give up.
Dude, i just watched a drag queen dropkick a motherfucker. this is a good night.
Your friend gave me you're number. I was the guy locked behind the book shelf.
I think you have the wrong number, but I hope you escaped your library-prison?
No. DON'T DO IT. Friends don't let friends fuck clowns.
He plays D&D and his dick should be carved out of marble. I think I'm in love.
I convinced her that there were two p's in Chipotle - the 2nd one was silent.
Remember those two guys in our frat that would no homo everything? I just got an invitation to their wedding.
I may or may not be drinking in a church parking lot.
Randomize
