you know what i hate about salt? you can't see it.
May or may not have just drunkenly opened my christmas presents. Greatly disappointed. Might break up sooner.
Somehow he came on his own face...then he freaked out
It's when I'm in my pajamas and in need of a gin delivery that I miss NYC most of all.
No need to call an exterminator, the ants overdosed on the leftover lines on the counter.
It's 10AM, she's drunk blaring veggie tales and I have a paper to write you've got to be fucking kidding me
He took a picture with a naked dude. I think he just walked out of that deep ginger closet.
He is dust bro dust in the wind I waited in this unlocked car long enough.
new district manager is here. you need to come in early
5th mimosa says otherwise
stop fucking thinking about him when there is A MILLION OTHER PENISES TO RIDE IN THE WORLD
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I was trying to come up with a reason why you shouldn't be naked in front of me, and now I have 'If you give a mouse a cookie" stuck in my head
I traded some nice guy at the bar ten bucks and a pack of cigarettes for his leather jacket. I'm pretty sure I win at life. Whoever is in my phone as Tyler Durden, I thank you.
..and by hang out i don't mean fucking then going back home i mean let's get something to eat & watch a movie and fuck sometime in between.
the cop found his r2d2 bong and asked me if i ever smoked out of him. i'm like, no sir. he's like ahh. if i were to smoke, it'd definitely be out of some star wars character.
easily made my night.
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