I told him it was like a man's penis, but smaller.
It's gotten to the point where NOT peeing in the sink feels strange and uncomfortable.
i'm glad we've gotten to the point in our relationship where I can eat peach rings off your penis.
Congratulations, you are no longer the only person who has watched me drunkenly pee on their furniture.
We found her on the trampoline. She told us she was jumping so she could puke & rally. I think I want to marry her.
We had on the same team jersey so at the time it made sense to hook up.
Duh.
I told him he was, quote: "A big cuddly bear" and he needed to get into my bed or I would set his Golden Retriever free.
Thank god I didn't get free from the hospital restraints. I wouldent have lasted long drunk, startled and in an ass-less gown In D.C.
We shouldn't eat pizza in the pool
We r drinking tequila out a glass bottle and smoking weed underwater, pizzas the least of our concern
This is ridiculous. I’m in fucking college getting high off a potato.
If he refers to me as slump buster one more fucking time.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
The guy next to me on the bus has one hole in his jeans that has over 20 mini dicks drawn on his leg. Classic.
tell me about the eggs
It’s only loud for those who wanna get loud. The bowlers are protected.
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