My dad just told me he used to masturbate to cat woman...he then proceeded to beat my brother in beer pong and wont let me play...
guys i just found a dildo in the laundry room and its purple
whats a dildo? isnt that like a fancy piece of bread?
im at that stage where all she has to do is cough or something and it pisses me off
whats the proper etiquette for returning a closet door to a random girl you met and do not know her name?
I was holding her hair back and when she quit puking she told me she's been saving her scissor virginity for me.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
If you come, call before you come in. I'm tanning my balls. Enjoy that visual.
From the guy that lifted you into a fan I'm sorry
Let's just say after this weekend I'm known as Shameous the Irish bar fighter.
I flashed my cleaning lady and don't remember who I went on a date with. I know who I woke up with though, that counts right?
My dick has been in way too much crazy the past 2+weeks, but hey it feels good to fuck consistently again
Random question, what's John-that-we-had-a-threesome-with's phone number? Don't necessarily need the full number, maybe just area code? Think I drunkenly ran into him last night and now I have texts from a John.
I'm not going to tell you how to live your life, which includes naming your schlong
youll appreciate my drinking habit one day...
OHMYGOD YOU REALLY THINK I'D BE ON OPRAH?!
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