I am coming home for anal
* a nap*
I just made out with a girl with a life jacket on wtf is going on
All I remember is taking a bath, puking in the bath water numerous times while trying to wash myself and I must of eventually given up
Just had a flashback of you announcing "your nipples aren't that big for the size of your boobs, I've seen them"
No, I left myself a half eaten cucumber and a beer next to my head, pointed at it and said 'you're breakfast' and then passed out.
got high to the hills theme song. FEEL THE RAIN ON YOUR SKIN. no regrets.
They knew I had a party because the refrigerator settings were different, but they don't notice that we installed a new toilet seat so it's okay.
My bed smells like stale sex...I want it to smell like fresh sex, I miss you.
Dropping the entire last roll of TP into the toilet is a hurt you don't want to know.
Had a burrito last night in your honor
That's the nicest thing you've ever done
People were wondering why I started hanging out with him after high school, the simple answer is now that I don't see his dorky ness everyday I can just focus on his amazing penis.
I was standing in my mom's kitchen in only my neon green thong, eating pizza over the garbage can, and sobbing while he was yelling at me.
Alvin just won tickets on the radio. I guess he's out of jail.
I gave him head while despicable me 2 played in the background. I think I disappointed the minions
I will run into the sunset with a fist full of condoms.
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