I was to big spoon the shit out of you right now
I'm so hungover and dru,k
apparently smacking a customer in the face with his iPhone was not part of the WOW factor we learned in training...
Did I tell you that you looked cute last night? I looked at the pictures. I lied.
Currently coming up with judgment, the game. Works well on buses, will probably be more entertaining in bars.
We are casual work acquaintances that occasionally fuck when the urge strikes. CWATOFWTUS. I know FWB rolls off the tongue better but it is what it is.
I mean besides the fact someone got stabbed, I still had a pretty good night.
the creek. my friends left me at a party next thing i know im in a breaststroke relay race with a bunch of randos in the dark
At some point last night Lemondrops turned into me doing shots of vodka and eating sugar packets at the bar.
Nobody knows who the hobo or dude who whipped out his balls is
Omg. The nephews found my stripper pole. The scary part is theyre good at it.
By the way if you come home and I'm not wearing pants, just go with it. I didn't have the energy to go searching for some.
I'm just saying. If this how my magic vagina shows it's magic then I don't want any
what are you going as for halloween?
drunk, naked, & emotionally unstable
I sent him home with blood on his fingers and shame in his heart.
Dude, I just turned down sexual favours because I need to study... What the fuck is wrong with me?
Randomize
