I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
It's really awkward/depressing when you are wearing heels larger than his dick
His threats seemed pretty legit for a 6 year old
its a vaginal recession for me, ill take what i can get
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
I love you, but you should know I'll always ditch you for weed.
In a cab. Towels everywhere. Confused.
He was sleeping, but the way he was made him look like an adorable, fuzzy penis
i want to pour hot gravy all over you in bed
Is it wrong i wouldn't sleep with him because his boxers said #1 dad all over them?
When one of my seniors asked "Rough night?" I realized my poor decisions involving Tuesday night drinking did not go unnoticed.
So I totally had sex In a teepee last night at that wedding reception.
I was told I look like trouble once and that was by a fireman at the sex show. I was carrying two beers and a penis pinata.
Considering I drank for you last night, do you mind picking up your half of the hangover
Well the grass always *looks* greener on the other side but sometimes that’s bc there’s a sewage runoff...
Randomize
