Everyone needs a good pregnancy scare in their life.
I wish they had a home preganacy test, but for STDs
He is like that thing on the menu you would eat because nothing else looks remotely edible.
Playing drinking games to Nancy Grace totally counts as "keeping up with current events.."
so...he totally just used scissors to cut up the weed. a wet paper towel to moisten the blunt....and a blow dryer so it wouldn't be wet. this dude either has the worst case of OCD or has the potential to be the next martha stewart.
he yelled at me for calling the fat girl fat. if I can't call out fat girls to my brother who do i have?
they would be such cute babies and they would grow up to have huge dicks. and that would make me proud as a mother
almost got into it with the cashier. bitch dont look at me like that just cuz im only buying wine and icing. ill fight.
It feels kinda weird thanking you for sucking my dick, but I just don't know what else to do right now
Did i mention i'm like the equivilent of a prepubescent boy suffering from preejaculacy? I just about creamed my pants when he grabbed my hand..
well, I yelled "the tribe has spoken!" at a boatload of people and then I walked home alone in the pouring rain at 1:30am. karma really is a bitch, yo.
I'm not going to pass up the opportunity to be half naked and covered in glitter without facing judgement or legal prosecution. I'll be there.
No fucking judgements. You know me. Chinese food vent sessions are safe places.
I have not brushed my hair. I'm wearing a yoga hoodie. I look like I slept in a gutter somewhere. Today is going to be a good day.
The party bus is stocked with 5 hour energies and beer and someone handing out adderall. Best. Wedding. Ever.
Randomize
