...is it true? will i see you next weekend
YES.
ah, i can't wait till there's negative 2 inches between us
I knew you were gonna be a good wingman when the words "dibs on the chunky one" came out of your mouth.
I really wish you were half the slut you're sister was in college
The kid next to me is typing a powerpoint presentation.. title: Reasons to Wear a Condom, subtitle: The Ian Story
The first slide was titled: You Could Get a Girl Pregnant.
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
This old guy just saw me toking on my bubbler before I go to the dentist. He gave me the nod.
Has anyone ever told you you're majestic like a sea turtle when you fuck?
And your cock privileges have been revoked.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
You're an asshole. I don't want your dick as my background. I'll look like I have a thumb fetish.
"just because you look like a short version of scarlet johanson does not mean I would immediately fuck you" that was the single.most difficult thing to say. but seriously I don't want the roots of the whore tree anywhere near my junk.
You told her you double majored in Geology and Telekinesis. When has that line ever worked for you?
SOMETIMES YOU HAVE TO BLAST VANESSA CARLTON IN YOUR CAR AT MIDNIGHT TO FEEL AGAIN. IDK.
lol I'll trade you jello for a tampon
what a trade!
I have so much to do, no motivation, and Harry Potter is on. You KNOW whats taking priority in my life right now
so i went to the bathroom and my thong was on sideways... i guess that solves the mystery
Randomize
