you cried when she wouldn't let you have her bathroom rug.
we need to drink more beer. the fridge wont close.
Just put my hand under my pillow and found a peach ring. Lat night just came rushing back.
I hijacked a bellboy cart and rolled into the party dancing on it
I could barely talk to the cabbie and I was text bombing everyone. They need to make an auto timer app to prevent people like me from belligerent late night harrassing. And I was seeing double... Prob would have tried to give your leg a bj and then fallen down the stairs.
Just saw a hooker eating a pastrami sandwich walking down beach blvd blowing kisses to traffic. My day = made
so hungover. i just puked at the sight of the beer emoticon you sent me.
Dude, the lecture theatre is caving in on me.
I picked a bad day to wear the catch me fuck me shoes.
Did someone catch you and fuck you?
PUT YOUR FRESHLY SHAVED MEXICAN POON ON THAT BEARD. NOW.
she keeps a switchblade in her panty drawer... i am both terrified and slightly turned on
A girl just managed to steal a whole gallon of ice cream. I'm letting her go because that is impressive.
It was only a blow job in his car. It's the same as giving a friend a back rub.
If I have put a neon “vacancy” sign on my skirt for him to get the picture I will.
Stop saving videos when you’re using my pornhub account!!! My girlfriend just tried to finger my butt because she thinks I’m into that
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