I look like Roseanne just got in a bar fight with Rosie O'Donnell.
the best thing about dollar beer night is beer is only a dollar.
he was lying next to me and i saw him text "score" to someone.
Pre-order weed for 4/20 and i'll give you a discount.
Long labias. Talking about. Too drunk to explain. Tomorrow.
remember, YOU ARE A WINNER
my dinner was a box of cheezits simultaneously mixed in with cocoa puffs and fried rice.
im almost positive that in mid thrust she told me she was pro choice
He ended up walking out of his bedroom and told me to look at the nonexistent fire he was holding in his hand. Im upset I didn't take those shrooms.
I was taking a bath and he burst in, sat down and started taking a shit. RIGHT BESIDE ME. My lack of privacy astounds me.
Nope. If I'm going to drive an hour to fuck a teacher, it will NOT be missionary thats for damn sure.
i can feel the knowledge leaking out of my brain
replace it with alcohol - nature abhors a vacuum
I was like wtf you can warn a girl like hey I have a huge dick and I fuck for hours
Someone google feeding your vagina Advil and Neosporin
He was an asshole the entire night and then tried to touch my dick in a Michaels craft store.
Sooooo, no second date?
He gets married Father's Day weekend and I just found out I'm pregnant. What do I do?
One of the finest moments in my life was when I was puking in between my legs as I was shitting, and thought to myself "hmm this shall be called shomiting."
Randomize
