We should go out drinking together soon
I'm still not going to have sex with you
In a bar in glasgow talking to a 12 year old about life. Welcome to Kentucky.
i think i left my bra at your place
It's still hanging from my ceiling fan. Please let me keep it there.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
i just added your friend Valery on the FB just to comment on your tits.... thought id give you a heads up
I managed to fit my wallet, my keys, my phone, Tammy's necklace, and $38.50 all in my bra. and $1.50 is in quarters. go me.
The straight guy here is hot. He described himself as Christian grey without the money and my vagina fell out of my body
you know i have almost 1500 fb friends but not ONE drunk booty call?
THANKS BE TO BLACK BABY JESUS IN HIS LITTLE GOLDEN DIAPER FOR BLESSING ME WITH NOT PREGNANT
How the fuck did he think me asking about the possibility of a threesome was a rhetorical question?
I only wore my thong with cheeseburgers on it because I thought we'd have sex. So I basically wasted my best thong for nothing.
What did we do last night and why in the fuck were there carrots in my pocket?
How far are you from my house? Do I have time to masturbate before you get here?
He had a temporary tattoo of Justin Bieber on his dick and I still had sex with him
Chaz got drunk and passed out so we superglued a kazoo to his mouth. Listening to him Panic when he woke up was fucking hilarious.
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