sorry about last night, sometimes people just get drunk and have sex witht heir friends
I know, I was there.
someone should tell her that easter eggs aren't meant to be dildos.
Too bad my thesis topic isn't "defining a hot mess: a study in drinking, smoking and other bad life decisions."
someone just puked in the library. they put up caution tape. i totally underestimated finals week.
You spent most of the night crying and throwing leftover meatballs at the neighbors dogs
Do you remember snorting allspice and yelling at doughnut shop girl?
I'm drinking sangria out of a sand pail. I'll pass on tonight
It'd be a romantic, consensual abduction
I let him watch sportscenter while we fucked. How did he repay me? I'm now missing class to get a shot in the ass for the clap. You and I are getting wasted and keying someone's car this weekend.
I don't know what's more sad. The fact that I'm genuinely impressed about being sober for a whole 3 days or the fact that I want to get wasted in celebration.
I think we got naked. I can't remember but if you have "friends" written on your ass, then we did. Because I have "best" on mine.
Apparently hitting a bong with your mouth half numb is hilarious but frustrating!
I think he has some internal "man stuff" that keeps getting in the way.
Like alcoholism and general douchbagary.
You left your hot dogs in my dresser again
Getting knocked up by someone with a good job and a big dick, okay. I can handle that. Getting knocked up by someone who sells dildos for a living and has a tiny dick, SOMEBODY is losing a pair of balls.
Randomize
