she calls it her "sourpuss" because everyone makes that face when they see it.
Tonight was like the Noah's Ark of alcohol. I had to have two of everything.
Dude I gave him a bj because he was upset about the NFL draft, if that doesn't lock it down, i don't know what does
Talk me down man. Writing a paper drunk and about to buy Celine Dion's greatest hits.
Uggh answer your phone, you are the only one I know who'll be proud of what I woke up next to this morning .
If Megan asks I spilled my water water all over her. I pissed on your roommate. You're welcome. I expect you to keep that on the down low. Seriously tell her the water thing
Curse you and your alcoholic milkshakes.
You're welcome.
You would think the bank would reward me for getting my account down to 3 cents without overdrafting it.
Just did a "spirit of homecoming" bump off a stranger's credit card. A stranger that dropped us off at home. Erica's bad. How do allllll of the Eastern Europeans know how to find drugs so easily?!?
It was fine until they started lighting shots of everclear on fire and making ME take them. That's when shit went down...
im In safeway buying a bottle of Ciroc in short shorts at 3:00 pm on a Monday, yeah I don't know either.
I think there is a legit party going on the place we thought was AA
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
Did you know that pizza hut has a wedding proposal box? And sorry for being kinda drunk yesterday when you got here
Every morning should start with 2 orgasms and a shoulder massage
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