I need to shower the guilt off of my thighs.
so I was like, you know platform 9 3/4? I know something else with those measurements. best. pick up line. ever.
Coffee is gods way of saying go ahead, get absolutly trashed on weeknights, I got your back
Judging by the fact that my hair was glued to my head with vomit, yeah I think I couldve used a friend last night
My mom made me chili for when I get home from the bar. Those are the standards I expect you to live up to
sellin beer in gallon jugs is both the best and worst idea ever. Im only gonna have one beer...but its gonna be 128 ounces.
Do I buy ice cream sandwiches or a 40? these are the difficult life decisions I am faced with.
Oh, and that ugly chick transformed into a veritable goddess when she came back at 3AM with a handle of vodka and 100 chicken wings
some guy i've known for a week sent me nudes saying "you're welcome" i need an award for this birthday
until he told me my vag was like a juicy apple and he loved eating it, yes, i really did think we were both sober.
Time flies when you're blacked out in a lake
I'm gonna drop in for a zip later man. It made me wanna eat my girls shampoo. Good shit
He's scared I want a relationship? How does texting him at three am and sleeping with four of my exes symbolize that?
now to finish some work and then i think i'll work out. or garden. or at the very least I'll continue eating frozen grapes and take more drugs
Can I come over?
Sorry I gave up dick for lent. Hit me up on Good Friday tho
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