What is the pluralization of human? I just got humen rejected, and I am going completely blank...
he ate 15 dinner rolls and nothing else. then took a shit in the bathroom came out and blamed it on his dad. i wish i was 8.
She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
please remind me not to sleep with group members until after finals week.
who do i root for if I want Christiano Ronaldo to win the world cup on a team by himself and then bang chicks on the pitch?
I'm literally partying with O.J. Simpson's son right now. I don't know what to make of this.
It was ths the worst 15 minutes of my life. . . It was like fucking a warm stick of butter.
I'm still not sure if it was intentional, but the chiropractor definitely cradled his balls on my shoulder. He even seemed to adjust the sack for comfort. I think I should be flattered. He is a doctor, after all..
I tried to high-five the cop last night. he just looked at my raised hand and told me to go to bed.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
Romantically speaking, I want to sit on his face.
I was drunk and on Craigslist.. The drunk-text offers people got must have been either horrifying or glorious
three of my fingers are bleeding and the only thing on my phone rn is a google search of 'Allison Janney'
Was I trying to make a threesome happen again?!
Yep
I need to stop doing that, Im gonna get punched in the face
I asked him if we were exclusive and he followed up with, "If a tree falls in the woods and no ones around, does it still make a sound?" Wtf am I supposed to do with that?!
Randomize
