I'm pants shitting drunk right now
It has come to my attention that I should apologize for myself and my friends
This girl looks like a mixture of kathy griffin and bill walton. i havent decided if that is a good thing.
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
you told the cop you blew a .08 because you ate poppy seeds
I'm really proud of her, she waited until she was on tiled floor to start puking on the ground
I am not saying a eulogy for your vibrator.
I just found what appears to be a tooth in my purse...anybody missing one?
Thank God I didn't lose my virginity to that asshole. That woulda been like winnin a raffle ticket for a free bag of dog shit. But with like a really pretty bag. A pretty bag full of dog shit.
Sry I came all over your dress. Think of it as a Vegas souvenir.
I hope it's socially acceptable to wear a mesh one piece into last call tonight?
wait no I wore my bra home that morning. I stole someone's bra last night?
why am i naked
you took off your clothes at the party and some guy took them home
My trash can accurately represents my weekend: Bojangles wrappers and magnums.
I just ordered $70 worth of pizza and I'm not even ashamed. Happy Valentine's Day to me.
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