He wanted to take me out and said we could "go huntin in the woods."
you handed the cop a condom last night and said "it's all about protect and serve right?"
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
He sent me a pic of his Junk. He said it was a Brett Farve valentine.
I hope you don't have to start the day explaining to me how you failed to turn "Can I practice my belly dancing in your apartment" into all night sex.
Ok, it is technically a gay bar but it's a total dive w/ strong drinks. The important thing is you can start drinking at 11:00 am without judgement
oh oh oh, and apparently you can bring in your own snacks. Some old dude just gave me cashews and cheetos.
There is a bottle of ciroc waiting graciously on my breakfast table. It's almost a sign for me to live up to my Russian blood.
We proceeded to buy tattoos from the dollar store and interpretive dance to of monsters and men, it's safe to say he's my new fuck buddy
Brandon just showed up at my place with a florida state cheerleader he met in vegas durin spring break. His life is a fucking movie
if i do community service solely to impress a guy, everyone wins, right?
except your soul
What kind of present accurately says to my male suitemate "I'm sorry that I accidentally flashed you my vagina while I was super drunk"?
He lit a shoe on fire and tried putting it out by peeing on it
I am not walking across campus just to give you a blow job in the hopes that in return i can study more efficiently.
Maverick's sitting in jail wearing a turkey costume and I am soooo jealous.
True life: I inadvertently fucked a whole friend group. More details to come tonight.
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