Fuck u you updated twitter but didn't answer my text
I know you're alive
strike ten. I need to stop drinkng
Just found two Xanax on the floor at the tanning bed. And yes, Im taking them...looks like going to get cancer is paying off
i'm on the subway and being revisted by the ghosts of tequilas past.
Well we're gonna drink when we get home and I just invited the cab driver to play beer pong
I had to brake up with him.
In my experience drinking helps.
You dont want to know why?
Not really. I want to drink.
All I remember is having a LONG talk with a 23 year old mother with a 5 year old kid at a bar who told me "it's not that bad"
We are getting high tomorrow and being statues at the cafeteria. Come find us.
She made a roadhead CD. Can I marry her?
The last thing I remember is your grandma calling me a pussy and taking my shot for me. Your family is awesome.
We should probably start extreme couponing for the morning after pill.
The kitchen also doubles as a screaming room after midnight as long as you have something to muffle the sound
I'm wearing a fleece onesie eating pop tarts on the train to work. Killing it.
I came so hard I literally levitated off the top of his dick. Gravity was no match for that orgasm!
I am coming home with the worst sun burn of my life, two unused condoms, and an unworn slutty dress. Worst. Bachelorette. Party. Ever.
Randomize
