i voted for prop eight dipshit. more weddings = more CAKE.
I wish facebook had a fuck off button.
I was just like staring at the lawn boy while singing "You Belong With Me".
I am the king of creep.
SHE has hooked up with both me and my sister. I don't even know what to say. If she goes for my parents next I may have to kill her
I really couldn't tell if she was disgusted with the fact that I yacked on her shoes, or if she was about to do the same to me.
the point of no return was when you "drugged" his drink with glitter. face-planting on his dick was beyond.
My bruised ribs were so worth that win in beer pong
I gave up on alcohol forever for like 2 hours, that's got to be a new record
I woke up this morning and the search history on my phone says: "What is this castle in front of my house?"
one of my coworkers wanted to look something up on YouTube on my tablet. I didn't know how to explain why my most recent search was "girl fucks dog."
I heard you shushing me, but my screaming orgasm drowned it out.
We got a standing ovation as security was escorting us out of the ballpark, it was a proud moment
did you just send me my own nude
It turned from Netflix and chill to cringeworthy YouTube videos and chill. At least he's honest.
The moment when you and your BFF compare frequently used emojis and realize you have similar mental disorders and a really weak alibi.
Randomize
