how do you wash the taste of whore out of your mouth?
Oh no, it isn't official until she poops.
Rachel and his cat watched us 69 last night. I pretended to be embarrassed the next day... But to be honest I like an audience
Hungover and I may throw up in my therapist's office. Maybe he is right about my drinking
What are you doing? Because if it happens to be drinking, or even any activity that rhymes with "drinking", I'll be over in 5.
Just woke up in his bed wearing only his shoes. I don't know how to gently say hey dude get the fuck up and take me home....regardless these are some nice shoes.
Oh my god. That was the best half-hour of my life that didn't involve genitals.
we were making out in my truck and while she was straddling me she informs me that she jerks off horses for a living. Should I be concerned or flattered?
Got hit on by the cable guy. Solid 9. Think Orlando Bloom with a glorious curly mullet.
The cop let us off with a warning because I had more Twitter followers than he did. The future is terrifying.
You said this was your mistake shot and then vomited on the tv. Never forget.
I'm sexting with a 20 year old that has a foot fetish... This is what Sailor Jerry drives me to do.
For someone who claims to be straight, she knows a hell of a lot about bi erasure, and one Hayley Kiyoko song too many
Considering what happened last night and how horrible I feel, I look amazing
Lol. I liked you the most when we were banging random girls and trying to tag team everything. You were happier then.
Randomize
