we were having sex in the bathroom when his aunt knocked on the door
and rather than go out and meet her, i climbed out the window. so now she thinks he was masturbating and moaning his own name in a really girly voice
According to my dad, my tongue ring makes people assume I give a lot of blow jobs because, as stated by him "that's what it's for"
OMFG, I'm seriously about to get fairly unpolite with this guy.
Wow. I bet he's shakin' in his boots.
corn on the cob and anal lube are not substitutes for the real thing
I love when I'm alone in the house. It's like pants were never invented.
Confirmed. Vegetarians give terrible head.
Just start grabbing cocks. It can't go wrong! Just say you thought you knew him and wanted to check.
Plus I'm on the toilet and I can only describe it as if someone had kicked the cap off of a fire hydrant.
Have a glass of wine with dinner they said. Your hydrocodone has worn off they said... NOPE
I mean, I introduced myself as "the after party". I think he knew early in the night he was in for a bangathon.
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
And at the semi-adult age of 25 I have shit my pants. Not even drunk, just really late to work. Is this real life?
We were walking to the bar with a group of people and literally made 4 stops in people's lawns garages or random walls for him to eat me out
in the middle of telling this chick to sober up i was shotgunning beers. im gonna be ab awsome nurse.
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
Randomize
