Haha Tomato, Tomato. That doesn't work very well via text message.
He was eating me out on the dryer...and his mom walked in with her laundry basket...
He wasn't the only one with a full load.
It's like Facebook knows when I'm about to masturbate and tells me to reconnect with exes.
What? Cold floors are soothing when you have a hangover. How am I supposed to pass that up. Even if I'm at my parents house
Brought 2 entire pizzas with to the bar, everyone loves us
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
This hot topless Jamaican just ran down the st with me on his back and He was screaming "I be stealing yo white ladies."
I don't know if i should be jealous or worried... or question where you are.
she's traveling up the coast with her camera and a stash of pot cookies eating food from different campuses. said she slept in a closet 2 states away last nite... of course I'm interested
Dude, you flipped off a cat from my balcony and yelled at it to get a house
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
Dude, you vomitted into a trashcan wearing your bear hands and high heels. Your drug dealer even said that was rough.
I drank a girls breast milk at this wedding. Shit was next level
I would like to formally reclaim my title of a turn up queen.
Gonna be late for work. Sex comes first. Priorities.
I really need to stop turning to the BDSM dungeon masters of tinder whenever my heart hurts
Randomize
