okay serious question, the water is shut off in your house, do you attempt and use the clean toilet water for your new bong?
my phone is just a graveyard for last nights mistakes. at least it's giving me hints as to where i was though, i'm like carmen sandiego
Superbowl + Mdma, hope we're on the same page.
I walked downstairs and he was standing in nothing but his boxers with his dick hanging out warming up eggs in the microwave.
Fuckbuddy couldn't meet, so she's trying to find a substitute to come fuck me. Best. Fuckbuddy. Ever.
Found a pic of me suckling your nipple at the bar. Safe to say you don't want this one tagged?
I'm gonna win the lottery and buy chinchillas and tattoos for everyone
Bacon Cheddar rum burgers are as great as they sound. I knew that 100 proof Captain would be good for something other than vomit.
I'm gonna go to bars and pick up women hopped up on democracy.
so serious though like its almost like I'm playing a game that's my life and Im always losing
I can make a sex schedule on Excel and send it to you guys
Amanda, I can 99.9% assure you i'm probably never going to bang your mom
I DON'T LIKE THAT SENTENCE
Not sure if I should ask if I can have my underwear back or just avoid that all together.
Told him I just wanted to be friends. He responded, "The best marriages are born from great friendships." Please come get me.
I'm not sure of this happened or if it was just a dream... But I vividly remember you walking down the street naked?
No actually I had socks on...
Randomize
