i just rode the bull and i see vomit in my future.
singing on the bus should be illegal
huh?
There's a group of like 8 white people in the back of the bus harmonizing to sugar we're going down
Just saw a man in a wheel chair using his feet to push himself backwards through a crosswalk... good morning Atlanta
I woke up with a crunchy, pink Pepto streak through my hair, no recollection of the last 6 hours of my night and the feeling that all the hotel's staff knew me on a first name basis.
Well fuck that. I mean, I made out with my cousin once. Who gives a fuck.
You love him. Dinosaurs. Math. Sex.
Dude, I think someone on your skype account may have seen me beat off. I used your computer and didnt realize you were still signed in. Please tell me no one was on...
I wouldn't have puked last night if I didn't inhale straight pepper from you shattering the pepper shaker on the wall.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
And if I hated you I'd probably say things like, "I never want to speak to you again," or, "Eat a bag of dicks." That's how you'd know.
Hey in a lighter note I also nutted in that cheerleader too if she got prego there would have been a team reunion on Maury
I was just trying to flirt with James Franco but she kept telling me to take shots out of Ron Burgundy's mouth
Car is still out of commission. Looks like it's Grape Nuts and scotch for dinner.
I told him he looked like my uncle.
Why would you say that in a bathtub?
I'm hiding in my office refusing to turn the light on holding puke down stealing and shoveling down the meeting snacks and regretting my poor life choices. goldfish crackers are like crack to me right now. how is your day?
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