i felt like we were having sex on ultimate fighter, and people on the outside kept yelling ELBOW ELBOW! KNEES KNEES!
Singing into hair straightener during spice girls....sooo dangerous
Shes in the fridge organizing my beer collection. I love having a girlfriend with OCD
Too many people are naked here for this to be normal.
I dont think yelling "Grab your dicks, time for pics!" helped your case either.
My getting drunk and marrying a stranger in Vegas final court annulment papers just came in the mail... I might frame that shit
It's like even though I'm not in college anymore my body still knows it's September and is putting itself into competitive binge drinking mode.
Hindsight is 20/20. Or a bladder infection.
My mom said she saw you at the bar last night and asked how you were. She said, you replied with, "Oh you know, just knocked up."
Figured I'd get right to the point
He will. He has no choice. What's he gonna do? Find a better fuck buddy? We both know that's not possible. I'm the ideal friend with benefit. Minus snoring and uneven tits.
Yea he called the cop officer fonzarelli and asked him if he was mad because happy days was off the air. Boom, beaten and arrested
I should have made a run for it. Seriously who calls the cops on themselves and goes to jail. ...on a Monday.
I was too drunk to remember throwing up so i probably didn't learn my lesson
So like, boobs.
are you really going to start every conversation like that?
I'm only texting you this bc god forbid circumstances change when you wake up but currently santa is asleep on top of the washer and dryer.
Randomize
