So right when I was pulling her underwear off with my teeth, she told me, "Stick your penis in my 'nanners." Needless to say, there was no penis-'nanner interaction.
Can you please tell me why there's a bottle of urine on my night stand with a note that says "in case you're thirsty in the morning"? Thanks.
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
i woke up in his bed to a "teach your baby to read" infomercial. i pray to GOD that's not a sign
Just saw a cop give four blondes gas for their car on their way to Vegas. They seriously ran out of gas and called 911 about it. Its like a porno plot.
Rode my bike to work still drunk. Almost threw up on a camper while getting him out of his parents car.
I think this girl gave me a handjob thinking that I would help her with her cell phone bill
omg. that's awesome
She kept grabbing my head and told my faces to stop shaking.. Also, she kept whispering something about seeing flowers in my eyes.
My booty call just moved 2 min from my house
This has pregnancy written all over it
I put his pb&j sandwich in my bra and never looked back
Power lunch with dad, pain pills and tequila shots. Dad does Monday hard.
*6am blends another margarita* *615am blends straight tequila*
It's hard to talk dirty with a mouth full of peanut butter
can you tell me why i woke up in a diaper and combat boots?
FYI there's a girl here with happy daddy written on her tits
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