Is it weird if i grunt like Tim Taylor when im having sex AND grilling steaks??
There are rumors he has a square penis....ill do anything though....
He said I taste like butterscotch, licked me, then I'm pretty sure he wet his pants. So no, I do not want to invite him over.
You'll be the guy with the raft that sells burritos on the river. You'd be legendary.
I am not old enough to be running into past fucks at the bank. This is at least a twenty five year old milestone.
He just came in my nostril. Never look down when a guy is pulling out during missionary.
Apparently blazed enough to think that the sizzling meatballs in the pan were calling your name...Ssssteeeeeve
my roommate just showed up covered in dirt, drunk....with a whole ice cream cake that says "it's a girl".
I just got a msg from someone saved in my phone as "gouiys stAndingg nezxt me not oz". Omh my life.
You'd think if the campus holds 28,000 undergrad I wouldn't run into three people I've hooked up with in one day
She who has the vag holds all the power. He will learn one way or the other.
Hey girl, do you remember you made me brush your hair with a plastic fork on Saturday night?
You know you've found a good drug dealer when he's willing to overnight mail to you in another state...
The gyno waiting room is so strange because the pregnant woman next to me is making a PowerPoint of her pregnant photo shoot with her husband and I’m sitting here trying to figure out from Instagram who I had sex with on Sunday lol
I can barely operate my hands; what makes you think I can operate my dick
Randomize
