Funniest shit happened at the grocery store. This kid kept asking his mom for candy over and over and she told him 'daddy said no' and he screamed 'he isn't my dad' so loud everyone in the store was silent it was awesome.
she uses ice cubes and hums anything I want. Last night was Welcome to the jungle. it wasnt lost on me shes a puma. no shame in that 30+ game.
I was excited because I thought I didn't have to tell you about the crabs, but surprise! You got em!
i just did my hair and make up to walk our dogs.. I hate being the single roommate
I'm sitting in front of the mirror eating cereal and pondering how my boobs got so big
Welcome to my life
he had the kids march single file in front of us on the way home so they didn't have to watch him pulling me passed out in their wagon...
The guy at the Apple store said the warranty does NOT cover getting cum out of the keyboard. I can't believe I believed you.
Your stories are the best. I feel like you're a spy among the heteros. It's not fair.
Got head at the top of a water slide over-looking the valley while wearing a sombrero and drinking a corona. Epic.
And then she said "wanna make a vine of me twerking on the wall?"
Two big black bouncers picked you up and escorted you to the elevator.
I didn't even do anything wrong. For all they knew I could have been on the US Olympic Gymnastic team. Would they kick Gabby Douglas out of a bar? I don't think so.
You puked on yourself, then demanded to take shower. In which you kept saying "its raining"
I'm never going to adult. I'm staying a child. The only thing related to adult that I want to do is you.
Where are you guys?
Drunk
I feel like I got hit by a car. But a small car, like a Beetle or a Mini or something.
Randomize
