She was ugly to the point i wanted to brush my teeth after looking at her
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I had to convince you not to write "happy birthday to the first guy who fingered me" on his facebook wall, right above the post from his current girlfriend's mother.
She's locked herself in the bathroom with a tub of icecream and she's watching my little pony on her phone. We know it cause she sings with them.
Like it was the Mama Mia of shit shows. That bad.
i want to be friends with one of those mini shredded wheat men.
Considering how much money I just spent on slutty lingerie, it is totally appropriate for me to be plucking my nipple hair right now. Right?
Jail is not for me. They portion control your meals and I don't really like that.
Not only did I get beyond cray cray this weekend. My body has nursed itself to plentiful and impeccable health. Fuck you world, I am back.
I haven't filled him in on Operation "find a sugar daddy & suck dick for money" yet, but I'm sure he just wants me to be happy.
My boob is missing a layer of skin
If someone told me one person in the department was secretly a death eater, I would suspect her, no contest.
Thanks for launching me off you reverse cowgirl. I think I chipped a tooth.
I was going to say that I wasn't sure how that happened... but then I remembered that I bonded with the Australians over vitamins and INXS and they bought me tequila.
I threw a lamp at you?
Yes, yes you did.
Awesome
Randomize
