So he ended up having sex with me, but it was so awkward. When it was over, he went to the bathroom, and he came back and asked, "are you on your period or something? there's blood on my dick..." and i said, "well it was supposed to start today, nice surprise...i am so embarrassed." and he said ,"it's better than you queefing." and as soon as he said that, i queef the hardest and loudest i ever had.
how bad would it be if i made his twitter my home page?
Never get a handjob from a girl who gives deep tissue massages.
I asked her if she was the outdoorsy type, she replied "I had sex on a fourwheeler once, does that count?"
I found a fried uncrustable on the table from last night.
I literally just wrote "I'm sorry" in my blue book, got up and walked out
So you think it's my fault? I didn't give you the 10 shots you took nor make you eat the brownies we made... btw, i found your engagement ring, it was in the last brownie you wouldn't let me have while dragging me to my room.
All inclusive resorts are actually just places that livers go to die.
that bad?
u-n-l-i-m-i-t-e-d. f-r-e-e. t-e-q-u-i-l-a.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
if memory serves, the guy you were hooking up with said he was a slutty skittle.
my vagina hasn't met your boyfriend yet ... makes me sad
This is the guy I made out with and it made me think of my dad. Let's never talk about it again.
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Like its not even midnight and I've already had enough of her for all of 2015
one of my students asked me today if i was having a baby. fuckin 4 year olds and their lack of filter. time to get back to the gym i guess
Randomize
