So I'm at the Chevron by your house. I need a condom and a couch.
Together?
Preferably.
so how does one go about finding a summer fling?
take advantage of an intern
you know you were way too high when you wake up next to a handwritten list of all the things you'd do for a Klondike bar
this is like black Friday for my dealer. I'm literally standing in line.
All I'm saying is that whoever owned the wheelchair clearly didn't need it or they wouldn't have been able to leave it there
just put an icicle in the bong. best/worst idea ever. i think i can taste global warming right now.
She asked if I could convince him so shave that shit off his face so he'll have a snowball's chance in hell of getting laid.
Why do you need me to cover for work?
I wouldn't say NEED but lets just say I smell like guacamole and semen.
You wanna know how bad I feel? I couldn't get out of bed to get the remote, so I just downloaded the comcast app on my phone so I could change the channels
I really have a thing for Greek chicks; I feel like while we are having sex she has the ability to make hummus which is just too appealing for me to pass up.
Now that I'm sober, I'm realizing you put your name in my phone as "wowww"
They ran out of toilet paper so I used the rug to wipe my vagina
Just remember, it's never too late to make a porno
Well I mean I HAD done a pretty good job of not pooping myself through the years
I'm with jana at walgreens picking out penis rings.... Did you know they sell vibrators at walgreens? Wtf?
Randomize
