One minute shes telling me about her volunteer work then she whips out a 12 inch dildo
Hemmingway ran to paris to avoid going to the university of illinois and becoming a doctor. It was there he developed a drinking problem. I need a plane ticket.
what is the aproppriate waiting time between having sex and playing super Mario brothers
6 min
I feel like the other woman.
You ARE the other woman.
How do people deal with hangovers? I literally want to eat my own face.
Told him I'd blow him in the bathroom. There was a giant window everyone was looking thru. He whipped it out n I burst out laughing n walked away. Even blackout drunk I set the bar high. You should be proud.
dude throwing a golf cart off a pier is harder than it seems!
This message brought to you by inappropriate slogans. Cotton candy, melting in your mouth like boners.
You were mean to me and you broke my heart and hurt my feelings. You dont get to talk to me about Peter Dinklage
it's pizza time hurry your sexcapades
Turns out that Irishman put my panties under his pillow afterward. Thanks?
you could be the only one getting laid right now....yet your sitting in here making goat noises
Can I come over and use your shower? My roommate got drunk last night and took my bathroom door off its hinges
Just seriously saw this chick say, watch this motherfuckers then did a 42 sec keg stand.
You at least asked for her number right?
i want to say his dick was in it but not his heart
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