M and I are hungry and we are making your pizza in the fridge. But you're having sex and we're not so we dont feel bad.
my phone needs a breathalizer
last night I thought his shirt said yale... but this morning it definitely says old navy.
Do you know of any times in scooby doo when the monster turned out to be a real monster? You know not just a person?
as veruca salt said, "i want it now!"
uhh im not your indulgent father, stoned and im in the middle of making tacos. right now, tacos win
Fyi mom and I voted and you're the DD tonight, congratulations
girl in front of me at starbucks just ordered 7 shots of espresso in her latte. welcome to finals week
I smoked weed with pregnant girl. I'm going to hell.
we had to stop you from eating moldy cake.. twice.
This breakup hit defcon 5. Walked to pathmark with a denim jacket over my nightgown to get ben and jerrys. On sale btw.
I can't turn off my feet"
How do you initiate sexting are u supposed to be like yo I'm peeing and eating a clif bar and texting and thinking about you naked all at the same time
His status said "sad." of course I liked it. I don't even care that I was the only one. Facebook isn't your god damn journal, we don't care about your problems.
We were like one big happy Eskimo family.
You ran outside of the party to do the rain dance and swim in puddles
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