chick flicks and taylor swift songs are like porn for desperate singles
I just cut my nipple shaving
right before he came he said "im ganna fill your stocking" nothing like holiday spirit!!
i'm drinking with a bunch of phds, i feel very stupid but good about my drinking abilities
My dad told me my only assignment from now til graduation is to not die. it's a legit concern for him.
Not only was there cake on the wall but someone shoved cake and meat in a cup and put it in the fridge.
I was too sleepy and drunk to verbally annihilate anyone and ruin their reason for being. So i just opted to sleep with the fitted sheet on the floor
I made a bet with her that she would show me her tits if I finished my beer. Only on spring break.
like i literally can feel my uterus getting frustrated at me for not being pregnant.
So what exactly does one do when my driver gets a DUI and is now arrested and I'm still hiding in the trunk?
I have been drunk every time I've gone to mexico. I do not remember mexico.
I manage to fit my wine bottle in my koozie and the rest is history
But forealz I'm gonna need a solid 52 orgasms so hydrate.
I offer naked tickle fights and orgasms and you call it trouble. I call that Christmas.
How is it that 364 days a year I'm the adult, but on Halloween you completely forget how to have fun and become my grandma?
Randomize
