So she couldn't stop dragging her teeth while she was blowing me.
Ahh dude, that fucking sucks, what'd you do about it?
Decided to drag my teeth while eating her out... She got the point.
I just had to explain to the pharmacy cashier that the Plan B and thank you notes I was buying were not related.
Dude michael jackson died, guess he's not 'stayin aliveee' any longer.
Uh dude that wasn't a michael jackson song it was the BGs
I wish i knew how bad drinking and hieghts were before i got up here
i just told my mom tuesday boozeday rhymes so that she can remember not to text or call me on wednesday mornings
youre going to kill that woman one of these days
Our adventure is going to pick up his pipe and weed that he ditched when he got pulled over the other day.
HOT DATE.
You are the sheppard guiding my vagina away from horrible decisions.
My goal is to upperdeck the house I'm at, because it's some girl I don't know's birthday. Welcome to adulthood, bitch.
She kept talking about how amazing the banana she had yesterday was. Don't know if it was innuendo, stoned, or just a really amazing banana.
Dude if it is ever said "everybody get inside the police helicopter just showed up.". That means it was a successful party.
Holy shit he's circumcised. His parents must have really loved him.
Say what you want about my van, but I've got more action there than in my apartment. A body pillow and a joint still go a long way!
Don't take advice from me. I'm simultaneously shitting and eating cheesecake.
Like did he really think I just hit him up for dick !? It's 11:30 am , these ain't hoe hours
It's magical, I'm just dancing. It's like prom but by myself and with less clothes.
Randomize
