Woke up this morning to a janitor hitting me in the head with his bucket in the hallway of my building. An alumni was next to me because we locked ourselves out of my room and couldn't figure out where my roommates were.
I think I just saw someone hide a body.
you sent me 5 happy birthday texts last night. one after the other. spelled differently.
next time dont tell jokes :) miss bonerkill
I just saw a man vacuming his front lawn. What is this world coming to?
I will never try to masturbate with americas funniest home videos playing in the background ever again
She's trying to master eating with her feet. She said it was be she "always has to be prepared."
she tried to douche with champagne. in front of all of us. unabashedly.
I've never felt so epic in my entire life as I do right now, my bare testicles staring down the ocean itself
Well be careful man. Be careful. Wear shoes in the house. Safety. Safety first, then teamwork.
We're both great liars, in committed relationships, and horny. Its the perfect storm of cheating
Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat. Gotta get dat dat dat dat dat ~uterus contraction~
Maybe you can just make seal noises during sex and we can call it good
I don'y know if I should feel accomplished or disgusted. I just ate a dozen cookies all to myself. I'm leaning more towards accomplished.
Unless you want to see me masturbate, I think skype is a no go for now.
Randomize
