kill, fuck, marry: alice cullen, hermione granger, ginny weasley.
damn... fuck alice for sure, I feel bad but i think I have to say marry ginny... and kill hermoine! I can't believe I'm answering this right now.
That shot tasted like Sant Claus came in my mouth. I love the holidays.
What. The. Fuck. No, you will not spank me.
That wasn't intended for you, my bad.
Remember when we made you finish your beer after you puked into your glass?
i hate being the asshole.
Your lower body and my face have had way too much contact lately.
I posted my balls on ericas instagram. It got 17 likes.
Would it be inappropriate to rub one out in the gym shower? I mean, technically, I pay $80 a month to do what I want so could they really say anything?
Shower is fine. Steam room is shady. I've probably done both at one point in my life so I can't be used as a good reference.
He thought my hair would soak it up. I HAD TO CUT IT OFF.
The other guys kept waking up so I hid... Like, dick in mouth, hiding in his sleeping bag
I'm having a martini with dinner. A new level of class.
I'm stoned and eating mustard, also a new level of class.
I love how when they see that I'm upset their initial response is to offer me ecstasy
He woke up & asked where his pants were then asked where he was then asked who I was. Been married 20 yrs. He was drunkest ever.
Remember that time I came to London for 4 hours, got hammered, cried for an hour and then left.
Your mom has reinvented the use of a ping pong ball.
Trouble in the neighborhood - turns out my brother's summer lawn care gig also entailed banging three different MILFs and they just all found out about each other
Gotta pay for college somehow...
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