HIV tests are more positive than that guy
When he brought me into his room he showed me his James Bond calendar and matching sheets, and then told me that his goal in life is to be James Bond….epic fail. Mission Impossible. I was scared to take off his boxers to find out that they were also James Bond themed.
RUN LIKE YOUR JAMES BOND
when we asked you if you had had anything to drink tonight you looked up from the toilet while cupping the water into your hands and said "this.. just this"
There was a punch bowl full of straight vodka. Glass bowl, ladle, vodka, and no punch at all. It was something of a rough night
while you laid on the ground I poured water into your mouth out of dog bowl some random guy walks by and said now that's what I like to see.
I'm bringing Sergeant Single Slut out this weekend. I hope you're ready for her.
When i left he was drinking an entire pot of coffee out of the pot with a straw. It's safe to say he's using a personal day
My last google search is "how to build a flamethrower"
He tried to puke in the 14th hole and when I told him to stop he started chanting "hole in one hole in one"
People will call it the Wrath of the Froyo. We'll be immortalized.
It's like God tapped him on the shoulder and said "You are now capable of giving world shattering, tear jerking head."
Stole my 7th stop sign and 3rd speed limit sign last night. Not even sure how because they were bolted to a cement wall. Tequila gives you strength you didn't know you had.
Sometimes at I wake up from a dead sleep at 1am and call the bar just to hear the clink of the glasses and the pouring of the beer on tap in the backround
So I come home this morning to get ready for a job interview and there is garlic seasoning all over the hardwood and a knife in the wall. What. the. fuck.
Well, for starters, you were growling and slurping beer from a puddle on the carpet. Let's all hope that was beer...
Randomize
