His pickup line was "I'll eat you out"
He did it well too
i'm unexpectedly in a limo, eating poutine. the driver just offered me coke. good idea?
Never let Scott cook bacon and eggs at 2am while drunk. You should have seen the flames.
i slept with her, drove her to her sisters house to babysit, and then drove around the block where i met her sister and had sex with her in my van. I'm family Friendly!
got hammered last night, woke up this morning to 38 texts that varied from "you fucking asshole" to "i can be there in 10 minutes"
he's downstairs watching tv with my family... I called the home line so my mom could bring me my make up bag cause my real face would prob make him delete my number
well if I unknowingly shoved my hand up someones ass, I'm glad it was yours
andd if someone unknowingly shoved their hand up my ass without me knowing, im glad it was you
You pretty much isn't said it
Those words don't go together.
Called my ex last night, told her I wanted to bang like we use too, her fiance was in the car, I was on speaker phone. NO MORE TEQUILA!
Did she say Ok?
Yeah she let me pull the goalie and wear my USA flag like a cape since it was the first day of the world cup
I left her alone for a few minutes and she's already using a guy on his hands and knees as a chair while another guy is serving her margaritas.
You don't get to call me bro after you've had your dick in me.
I don't really care where everyone ended up, but is everyone alive and not in jail?
Not in jail
Alive?
All my friends are getting married and I'm pole dancing in a tattoo shop. I don't know how I feel about this.
They spent thousands on one day. You made $76 in 30 minutes. You should feel great about that.
I think I fell in love last night
That guy had a face tattoo and was named Cheddar. Please tell me you’re kidding.
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