I was curling my hair today and I looked at my curling iron and thought...
You at least unplugged it right?
The hot Japanese girl in my class just said her "favorite sexy American actor is Nick Cage." That, I can work with.
Everyone agrees they like your mother better drunk
oh good. ive just found out that i went downstairs at 6 am still blacked out and had a 30 minute conversation with my mom about the different ways to feed our dog
Not quite sure what happened last night. I'll drive your dresser over to you later.....
when the officer asked him if he had been drinking, he just goes, "yeah, you?" then falls onto the table.
It's all fun and games until your AARP eligible neighbors end up blacking out in your yard at 5pm with a box of franzia. I'm feeling a great year ahead
I never saw such an emotional argument over yellow vs. spicy mustard.
IF YOU HAVE THE CHANCE TO HIT THAT, AND YOU DON'T, I WILL FUCKING CRUCIFY YOU.
You're such a supportive sister.
Underoos and an IDGAF attitude: all you need to successfully win at life
(Underoos optional)
I PUT IT IN THE UNIVERSE THAT I WANTED TO STAB HIM AND THEN SOMEONE DID! KARMA IS A BITCH AND SHE IS BEAUTIFUL!
Usually it's tequila, or vodka. But today was just the devil
Seeing my ex post concert Snapchat videos as an Instagram really reinforces that I made the right choice...
when you shit yourself on the way to school its time to give up and go home
I just discovered that jello shots are the best hangover cure
You said that last night when you did jello shots at 4am
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