i effing cant stand that stupid soul the new way to roll hamster commercial. everyone im with is laughing and now hate them all.
So...AT&T finally added picture messaging for iPhone...bring on the tits!!!
i was surprised by the severity of his small dick condition
he found you with your pants down, trying to straddle the urinal. no one should have to see their sister like that. ever.
Every single time I start thinking that we shouldn't have done that to him, I think of his ballsack in our passed out faces. No sympathy.
I started singing the national anthem on a train in London. Happy 4th of July assholes
She's trying to feed the TV fried rice and screaming "FRIED RICE AND TEARS". Please bring me more booze.
I said to him "i can't have sex with anyone in my friend's living room" then he said "we can move the air mattress into the kitchen"
It was the hardest I ever came in my life and once I could see straight again I just looked at him and said "cool"
Are you going to eat tacos off the floor again?
It's so hard to fall asleep when I can hear your genitals smacking against hers. I hate you with all the love in my heart.
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
I'm the girl holding the bag of goldfish
How am i even supposed to meet his daughter? "Hi, Claire, I hear we have so much in common, like we both love your Dad and also we're almost the same age."
I went to bed early to get up and have a cup of coffee and watch a Sunday sunrise; and again you come home with no shirt and more stamps than my passport. Get the fuck up now, you are taking an Uber to waffle house. The order is in you name.
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