Apparently we had sex last night, and then I made him drive me to the beach so I could puke in the ocean.
he laminated a picture of his dick.
I called him daddy. To his face. Somewhat sober. What more could I do?
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I found this letter on my leg this morning "dear sober self- we are one body now. It's weird but get used to it because it already happened" who the fuck is lionman?
I really resent how she stayed home and ruined my plans to watch sci-fi and masturbate.
The things happening in my intestines right now should only ever happen at truck stops and frat houses.
Just realized I could have five different dicks in me the day of valentines day but no real date. My life
Dude they're making a condom for people who have no feeling in their penises that will make them able to have an orgasm. I love science
Someone broke in while we were at the bars, window is shattered but nothing got taken
Noone broke in, matt tried to pull a tyrese and punch through the window... were at the hospital.
He was very considerate of my needs, he offered me pizza before and after.
How did it feel to just observe all the people blacking out usually you're on the other end of things
I felt like I was at the zoo
She came into the salon and said, "Don't judge me. Yes that's cum in my hair and I want a shampoo, cut and style."
Who knew sons of strippers would be really feminist boyfriends?
I think I'm the first girl to break a bed with a guy, without even having sex with him while doing so.
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