I'm gonna cuddle the shit out of you tomorrow
He told me he could read braille... with his tongue. So I took him home. I don't think he was lying
Its a long story, but I have superglue on my tongue
we're tailgating intramural basketball with hard drugs and tequila...and i think the players are taking shrooms
It's been so long since i rode in a trunk. I'm riding in a trunk btw
Apparently I blacked out and pissed all over the sliding glass door from the inside, as everyone watched from the outside helplessly....
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
My pussy is making all kinds of justifications that my mind would have no patience for if it was still in charge
We legitimately thought something was wrong with you until someone pointed out you were just doing the thriller dance
It sounds like drunken magic sprinkled w narcotics
Doug will be the one to get my vagina. I don't know when or how but I'm now declaring that it is his. And he better not disappoint.
You told the bartender at least five times that you were naming your son "Jagermeister" but you would use the bartender's name "Fernando" as his middle name. You were drunk.
The important thing is that she is gone, presumably back to the depths of hell from whence she came.
I'm glad you had fun with your genitals.
And somehow in between all the vomitting you managed to mumble "Well this is attractive!" And I swear that's when I fell in love. Best. First. Date. Ever!
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