Hurry. And bring back up. SHE WON'T STOP TALKING.
imagine playing with puppies while we're drunk.
Like... we could film it and put like, "do you believe in magic" as the backround song and it would be complete joy.
Im in a bar and I just invented a scrabble drinking game. People are cheering. It's like the universe has aligned itself.
I mean, once you help another girl drunker than you zip her jeans you can't help but be friends after that
Just found a wrench in the washing machine. Sooo not doing your laundry anymore.
Ok if you are accepting my apology, please continue to ignore me. If you are not, please fill out the brief survey that follows, to help me improve my people relations: a) your a bitch please leave me alone b)your crazy pls leave me alone c) I never cared ab u please leave me alone. D) all of the above e) all of the above but I wouldn't mind still fucking u. F) who are you again? Your answer will not b shared and will b used in accord. With the law. TY
There comes a time where you just have to sit back and watch the drunken idiots pee on each other
Absolute soulmates or functional alcoholics?
Can't be the first without the last
he ran through my sliding door
in his defense that door gets complicated after 10 beers
I now have a GPA requirement for guys I hookup with more than once.
You were my sober police. You had one job and you failed miserably.
I'm a corrupt cop.
Whether ya want it or not, it's gonna happen. Assimilate to the gay
They forgot my ranch. They're dead to me.
I HAVE DISCOVERED LONDON AND IT FILLS ME WITH JOY
He sends me the same inspirational quote quotos that my grandma does. I no longer want to tap that.
Randomize
