Using pot as a way to stop crying probably isn't a good sign huh?
Meh, some people pop Prozac, you smoke weed. Po-tay-to. po-tah-to
Stop being a whore!!! Everyone can see!!!!
And if you don't call me, I will embarrass you publicly with a can of spray cheez.
Tbell employee was shuffling through my bag, calling off each item i ordered to make sure it was all there. I stopped him halfway through with "guy, don't worry, I'm high as shit, I'll eat anything."
I kept calling his name while we were having sex cuz i was so proud that i remembered it.
Ive been tazing him too get him immuned. He will be unstopable.
I knew as soon as I saw that pole that I was going to wake up the next morning with bruises.
I've been practicing for you. Including stockpiling medical supplies for curing hangovers.
I didn't want to walk to anymore parties because I found a cat. It was magical.
Nhl reached an agreement. I plan on getting me some celebratory sex from a hockey player.
All I really remember is shouting "THANKS FOR LETTING ME MAKE OUT WITH YOUR GIRLFRIEND."
What can I say? You have this amazing power over straight girls.
Can't decide if it was more awkward buying sheets together or disposing of them afterwards
Things he has managed to cum on so far on spring break: my bikini, my back-up bikini, three of my four bras, two pairs of panties, four beds, six chairs, the floor of several hotel rooms, the window/door to the balcony from both sides, my tits, my face, my stomach, his stomach, my ass, his best friend's girlfriend's face, and his best friend's dick.
Just FYI spring break is over and you're supposed to be back in class but hey sounds like you had your orgy so congrats.
My mom just woke me up with a cowboy hat and sunglasses on. It's 7 am and she's drunk.
Mass text: dear whatever jerk off who thinks they stole drugs from me. It was birth control. Go fuck yourself. And pray that I don't get pregnant.
Who puts their birth control in a bottle with a smiley face?!
Oh fuck wait
Randomize
