Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
Some guy on the train just glared at me. So I'm drinking tequilla out of a dixie cup. Go fuck yourself.
just broke no shave november. hello backed up drain december.
Just saw a commercial bout this girl that lost 54 lbs on a taco bell diet. so thats my excuse.
We got blackout for the alumni dinner, and then walked THROUGH the keynote speaker, managing to still say "excuse me".
"Hung over, tired and having a faint scent of some body butter and random pieces of glitter from a girl named gigi, almost arrested in drug bust, $40 Canadian in my pocket and all i got was this lousy Tshirt" shirts dont exist, but they need to
Hey do you want me to wrap up that Jack in the Box you left in my gutter
I ordered a million chicken go wraps and they gave me five. Even when im drunk I can count to a million and know its not five. They fucked me.
I'll be there soon. I expect Advil and a bucket of kittens when I arrive.
Haha ohman remember when I peed in your blender? Gotta love college.
YOU DID WHAT???
is it weird that our first time having sex was makeup sex?
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
Today is my 3 year wedding anniversary...and I've seen three different dicks.
We drove through Taco-Bell on our way to the ER
I just apologized to a wet floor sign i walked into.
Randomize
