my entire walk over here no one looked in my eyes. Period Boobs are BAACKKK.
did i by any chance text you anything about feathers last night?
you mean faeutihaers?
If her picture on my phone wasn't mostly of her breasts, I'd never pick up the phone when she calls.
She was having a seizure right in front of you, and you asked, "So there's no more donuts?"
We can add pilot to the list of people who's lives I've changed...with my penis.
I hope my tampon is in his bed. That'll teach him. Happy new years btw
He took a girl home tonight that he was trying to sell a fridge to. She wanted a fridge and got his dick. He's got a talent.
We should discuss this later when sobriety has returned. Right now he's just like a distant cousin.
You tried to get the Waffle House waitress to put a candle in your cheesy hash browns.
I tried to prevent a bar fight. By convincing a guy whacked out on Molly to slap the ass of everyone who was arguing and shout "WOO" each time. I'm proud, surprised, and intrigued that it calmed everyone down so quickly...
My vagina has a mind if its own. Can you imagine if I didnt have you to run her ideas through.
There's nothing classy about a pregnant girl at a frat party...remember that.
please god let this picture I just uploaded not have my vagina in it
They are in the bedroom next door. We might have a threesome idk. Jesus take the wheel.
GO. DO.
I am Jesus and I am taking the wheel.
He was gone when I woke up. But he left skid marks on my sheets and our unopened bottle of Titos is missing
New Rule: No more sleepovers with guys we met on Reddit
Randomize
