she just sneezed while going down on me. is it rude for me to ask her to do it again?
A small cock is a small cock, don't blame the size of my hands
Using manwich sauce as ketchup. Not bad. Love college.
Pre-game strategy: play thunder by yourself in the shower. Surprisingly, success.
Just rented the SCUBA equipment. Meet me at the pool to test the underwater beer bong idea.
And by hung out you mean you were in my bed for 5 minutes while your penis was in my mouth.
I just asked the bartender if I could get insurance on my drink in case I spilled it.
At some point tonight the bad ideas in my head became bad decisions that happened outside my head
This weekend has taught me that sometimes, being buried under a mattress is the safest place in the room.
I swear to god, allah, buddah and motherfucking oprah winfrey... if I have to stay here any longer because you are holding us up I will choke you out.
Just so you know, classy bitches change the morning after in a CVS bathroom.
My heart is swelling with pride right now. I fucking love you.
I kept resisting the urge to yell "2 for 2!" so they could hear me on the other side of the wall.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Also I feel like death. But like. In a good way
There were firefighters and a fire truck up the street. I asked what was wrong and their exact words were "Just a tiny explosion; it'll be all right"
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