I just shaved my legs while pooping. classy or trashy?
talent.
I guess we had a small kitchen fire somehow when we decided to bake fruitroll ups and croutons...
ask me if i forgot to go to a midterm today
i caught the condom in my mouth.. dont ask me how
You walked in with a firecracker and a doughnut then demonstrated what a lazy job he did fucking you
I'm eating mac and cheese for dinner that way when I puke later it'll be festive halloween orange.
Well, a cop just pulled up. This could go either way.
Nice. I ate a jello shot out of a bovine blow up doll's love hole last night
Me and your penis are best friends. You don't know it, but I whisper my secrets whenever I give you blowjobs. We even have a secret handshake. We can't be separated from each other. We just can't.
Apparently I told the girl smoking was terrible for her, and then requested it in my mouth.
I'm gonna play eenie meenie at the bar tonight because it's women's day and I deserve the dick
I was looking for a pen and I stumbled upon my mom's vibrator. On a related note, yes I will be going out tonight.
I decided we werent gonna go for round 5 when he started trying to have a serious conversation about how blessed he is to have such a nice penis
He has a point, the man's penis is a legend.
Dude, I wish I could live my entire life blacked out.
this is the 3rd time this week I've gone to the liquor store to stock up for the next 2 weeks
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