Yo I'm just eating dinner now. U ready to go out?
Ya ya. Where you eating?
Cereal and beer. U kno u want in.
I just got an email from a bridal website with the subject "Countdown to your Wedding Day"... is 11AM too early to drink the rest of the wine we have?
my parents are out trying to convince the local liquor stores to post "do not sell our daughter alcohol" flyers. i'm preping my defense now.
She can't drink and she can't smoke weed. She might as well be dead to me.
The dean held back my hair as I was puking after graduation. That means so much more than a diploma and a handshake.
just woke up COVERED in glow sticks and glitter. didn't even have to turn the light on to puke.
you kind of just crawled on top of him. that was the point at which i became concerned with how drunk you were.
"Don't get as drunk as I was on my birthday" has been upgraded from a goal for Friday night to a goal for my life in general.
after i talked him through a bulleted list of why we couldn't have sex he just said "but it would be fun...."
We got signed out of jail by an Uber driver. I think that qualifies as a great first night of college
He has an accent, blue cross AND gainful employment. Just saying, he's going to urgent care once I'm done with him
i cant hook up i'm covered in egg rolls
I don't see why I have to pay for it.
your head went through the window, you're pretty much obligated to pay for it.
he said he's going to burn things and pack his stuff. he may leave tomorrow supposedly but i doubt it
27 year olds can still do oral in a car right? Or is that trashy?
Randomize