Was waiting for the adderal to kick in then realized I had been brushing my teeth for eighteen minuites
Bjs on a first date are the gateway to getting to know someone for who they really are.
Then mom squeezed my boob and said, "Dad would go nuts if I had these..."
I woke up in my own bed clutching a key to a Ramada in another state.
I got kicked out of the hotel after wandering into the banquet kitchen at 2am trying to find the shrimp....so we're power napping in the car and then driving to madison.
coughing up blood. I'm leaving for the doctor now. P.S. I just won $350 on the wheel of fortune machine in the casino.
I have to go buy generic plan b after work. I don't even leave for the new semester for another 11 days. I think I just leveled up in sluttiness
Idk I wanna make it till midnight but I also want tequila
Dude it's 6 am and you just invited me to a hotel with a shit ton of coke. Best morning ever
How was your night?
Fell down a flight of stairs. Went to a sex dungeon. Was approached by a man in a leather harness.
When I meet her I'm going to have to resist the urge of saying "hey! We're Eskimo sisters!"
I'm literally about to create a tinder account. Just so someone drives me to get food.
The career specialist read an Onion article to us. Please send help.
Im going for myspace 2006 goth bitch. Your worst nightmare
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
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