I haven't worn deodorant in like three days and have been laying around in my underwear listening to music and drinking. I think i've made my own Bonnaroo in my apartment.
I'm basically sure i was the reason for glitter on his penis
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
We gave a starfish gin and Lucky Charms. I think it enjoyed it. Best trip to the beach ever.
is he apposed to sex in general? or just porch sex?
I just made Jack Daniels snow cones.
Hey do you have a way to post bail? If not we can hook you up. If a police officer is reading this please ask him and respond in a timely fashion. I am concerned for my imprisoned friend
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
The chlamydia really affected his face.
It got messy; I did a shot of seamonkeys.
Can you explain to me why there are fake boobs glued on my chest?
I think he's speaking German to me now
Nevermind, he's just drunk and not texting properly
I believe in using alcohol to heal from the inside. Not as a topical solution.
And everyone was looking at me because it was cold and I was drunk and may have screamed "oh fuck" ... You know what, fuck that. What do people think they're getting at Denny's 2 in the morning
Is it bad i hate my job so much I'm actively trying to get fired tonight by drinking all the booze we have so I don't have to show up for my double tomorrow. Four mango vodkas later I have decided I'm a better server drunk.
Randomize
