Haha so apparently that girl last thought I was you the whole time, and in the morning realized you weren't the one she fucked. Thanks for your help.
I woke up to the bathroom door of steak n shake hitting me in the face at 4 in the morning...
easter eggs filled with ecstasy. it's what jesus would do.
Passed out on her toilet. Dog licked my face to wake me. Awkward talk with her boyfriend, who hadn't been home last night. Not sure exactly what town I'm in, but I'm south. Will call for ride when I figure it out.
You hit on my mom and then passed out in the kiddie pool.
I just helped a group of highschool stoners find a safe place to smoke I feel like a responsible rolemodel
The world is my kaleidiscope. I see whatever the alcohol wants me to.
My vagina can tell he is in a metal band. I dont know if I can sit down.
"Grocery shopping" is really just a euphemism for spending $20 on enough frozen food to last 2 weeks and spending the rest of your viable paycheck on alcohol.
I'm not dealing with this wiskey dick shit, 2016 is the year of hard dicks
Why are you naked at 4pm?
Its my birthday, I dont have to wear clothes
just blew him in the library. I am a classy dame
Can't talk, I'm icing "sorry I barfed on your couch" onto a cookie cake
I don't know what the hell I'm going to do with myself when this is all over. I'll probably just go back to smoking pot and trying to learn italian.
i got drunk and started dancing with the plant because you were out of town
Randomize
