I like to think it a success when the cops are called
But i just feel like he will pull it out and ill panic. I mean its fairly basic. Up and down. But i feel like ill just freak out.
I understand that I gave you a nose bleed with a cheeto last night and for that I apologize
It ended with me crying and eating pizza in my closet.
no. you're not making a beach trip out of my abortion.
Chipotle chips and wine for breakfast. Its def game day
Can we please get through at least one night out when you DON'T threaten to have sex with one of my parents?!?!
Oh god. I finally realized why the coked out Stevie wonder was explaining the concept of movember to the McDonalds clerk. Drunk me didn't process that another month comes after Halloween... It's apparently November.
Then me, her, and her mom snorted tequila. The bartender was in shock.
There's a website where you can order a pile of horse shit to be dropped on a persons doorstep. So that's another option.
My orifices are off limits as long as you have that stache. Your call.
the bartender knew what was up when i took a sip of my drink, gagged and asked her to water down my water
She broke up with me after I spent the whole day speaking in nothing but Marshawn Lynch quotes.
I woke up to both of you drawing on me in sharpie, unless a glorious threesome was had the night before that is not okay.
Who says it wasn't?
if i hadn't ended our catfight by hugging you one of us might be dead right now
Randomize
