She told me a very interesting story, complete with pantomimes, about how she got a habanero seed in her vag
i was having this nice romantic moment with my girlfriend. then jimmy came in and peed on the fridge
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
ohhh no, absolutely not. i am waaayyy too superstitious to have sex with the self-proclaimed "baby-maker" on father's day...
From what I hear, her blowjob factory was runninng at full capacity this weekend.
we walked around the neighborhood with caution tape tied around our foreheads, making indian noises. I might have disturbed a crime scene to make a native american headdress.
Drunkasaurus has found a new cave to eat all the children she captured
I need to get you away from Bacardi 151 and out from under the bed
Why does every bad decision I make wind up having 1000 likes on YouTube?
I'm holding onto the sink for dear life. Pretty sure if Iet go I'll turn into a shit propelled man rocket.
I'd say things got weird when I started doing lines of molly in the box.
The family next to you was not pleased
For graduation he gave me roses, a giraffe necklace, and a butt plug. I think this might be my one shot at true love
Just reminding you that you are currently drunk spooning a chair saying it "loves you unconditionally". No more rum.
My penis is saying yes, several less important organs are saying noo...
Stop confusing me with every girl you know that doesn't like sex.
i'm at work, alone, drinking a spiced chai & fireball hot toddy. holiday OT isn't that bad after all.
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