I kind of had a moment like that kid whose mom cancelled his WoW subscription, except I didn't try to shove a remote control up my own ass.
Just saw a Mexican guy pushing a stroller with 3 twelve packs of corona in it with a toddler struggling to keep up on foot behind him
Don't EVER smell your tampon
You threw a bottle at the bartender and then stole his tip jar. However, you were quickly KO'd by the bartender. Solid right hook.
if this hangover is indicative of how 2011 is gonna be, i want nothing to do with it
I'll be accepting presents in the forms of drinks, drugs, and orgasms. So any or all of those will be fine.
We're knee deep in HJ's right now.
you know you're a senior when your friends are at the bar before you even get out of class
why the fuck would you go to class? it's karaoke wednesday.
She ditched her BF in the library to come see me wasted at a house party and i still ended up banging that rugby chick instead.
He fell on top of me at a party. I slept with him a week later. We've been fucking for 2 moths. Most successful relationship ever.
Waking up in a NH rest stop and reading through my texts is definitely a familiar low
I feel like my stoner spirit animal is Janice from the muppets.
What guy invites over a booty call, gets all naked and then when the real fun begins and a condom is needed, claims to not have one? And wears socks THE entire time?
You have not lived until you've had your brains fucked out on a broken down Tunnel of Love ride. Life is good.
He told me he felt the only proper thing to do was fuck me to the top of the corporate ladder
Randomize
