So it's 11:24am. I've had sex twice and been laid 3 times. I love holidays!
I understand the whole sex thing but did you really get laid or is that synonymous for more alcohol?????
Honestly.
Don't say a word.
smoking a cig and getting head on the last night of my cruise. and she doesn't mind that i'm texting you right now. this is now on my list of top 10 nights of my life.
if you count grabbing my crotch as an introduction then yeah i got a couple of those tonight
Drunk
Deyhxbr
Fucaerrrrr
Someone just told me I have an ass that could kill small children .... Don't know how to take that one
He said it. He actually said "yes it's in".
Let the vodka take you where it will. Like Pocahontas, but wasted
I'm gonna keep a minimum of five drink promise to myself
You mean maximum 5?
Yeah man... I ordered donuts, drank wine, and cried to a movie with Seth Rogen in it. Do you really think I have my shit together?
He won't have sex to beyonce. I hate him.
I'm so excited you texted me but I'm way to high to process it
FOUND MY PANTIES COMINY JOME
I'm shaking a cocktail while in bed. Is that bad?
just because i'm not a monk anymore doesn't mean I need to tell you about my new sex life.
which is fantastic by the way.
I called him my big strong man today. It's all downhill from here. Matching Christmas sweaters, here we come
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