I like bacon cheeseburgers and the pussycat dolls
Does that mean you want me to loosen up your buttons at carls jr?
No idea how i never noticed that penis before. I wonder if it works
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
nothing like a tattoo of a large eagle attacking a small eagle whos attacking a shark to bond to siblings together for life
I just realized I am holding a beer in 133 out of 134 photos of me on my facebook page.
Nobody is perfect
I'm at Waffle House wearing one of the paper hats in the other
not a day goes by that I don't wish you were here or I there. Today it was because I had the desire to get high and go look at the jellyfish at the aquarium and you're the perfect buddy for that.
We were talking when all of a sudden she reach and started squeezing my dick and goes "nice." and then just kept the conversation going like nothing happened.
Literally too hungover to pull out of the driveway. Tried 3 times and failed. I'm going back to bed.
Strip club or gay bar tonight?
I am an emotionally compromised bisexual.
But I don't see you as the jesus riding a dinosaur with a machine gun type of guy
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
last night we watched this really loud chick try and pick up this smoking french guy who's english was sooo bad. she finally pointed at her beer and then her vagine
gross
like you've never done an interperative dance for sex, please
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Idk what's worse.... Yesterday not waking up in my bed or today waking up in the hello kitty gown.
I'm on a walk of shame carrying YOUR pants. You owe me.
Randomize
