So not only just find my adoption papers that I didnt know about in my parents house, but they say "child shows some signs of mental retardation".
Just heard her singing at the school concert... I am honored my penis was touched by those pipes
so he came in me this morning and i was like WTF DUDE. i called him Daddy until he agreed to pay the full $40 for plan B. He wants to name our Patrick because it will be a st pattys day baby. absolutely NOT.
There are taser marks on me. Your face flashed before my eyes when i woke up and saw them.
She just invited me to drunkenly make out on the kitchen floor again.....
I threw up sweet potatoes. Worst thing to throw up ever. They came back mashed.
Listen, don't freak out when you walk out on me masturbating in front of my roommate. No homo. He just needs to be put to his place.
I'm about to sell my hamster for weed money I'll call you in a few
The airport has the best people watching and munches... It should be a destination drinking location
In other news there is a guy at my office who I'm pretty sure will be wearing someone's skin as a coat one day.
I don't want to flatter myself but after the way he was looking at me today I think it might be me.
The only thing that got me through this hellish day was imagining a large Swedish penis inside of me.
What did your vagina DO during the nhl lockout?!
Americans.
Our DD painted my costume on me for tonight. The strippers have been teaching him how to paint costumes.
He said his name was Tony, after last night I will refer to him as Tiny
You used his ass cheeks to demonstrate how to play the bongos and he still called you the next day. That's true love.
She just started crying. With my dick still inside her. Something about her grandpa.
Randomize
